Quinn's taken to having little fits whenever we take something away from him. I've heard that "terrible twos" can actually happen at a wide age range. Could we be entering that phase at only 7 months? I think this kid is going to be a handful...
Quinn had a pretty good time at the Perth Fair today. We met his grandma and grandpa there. He saw some horses, lots of people and rides and colours and heard lots of sounds. He went for a ride on the choo-choo train. For the first lap he was engrossed in trying to eat the safety restraint, but the second and third laps it looked like he had more fun. I think he's going to have a lot of fun at fairs in the future, even next year.
We also went to a BBQ at a friend's place last night, and there were lots of people there, including a lot of other kids. Bec & Quinn went home early for his regular bedtime, but he seemed to have lots of fun just looking at everything and taking it all in while he was there. Last night, as today, he seemed quite sedate and just absorbed everything he was seeing, hearing and smelling. It's interesting to watch him take things in now that he's so much more cognizant.
It was Quinn's friend MacKenzie's first birthday today and there was a gathering at Britannia Park. We thought we were going to miss it entirely due to an almost two hour nap this afternoon - of course: any other time we wouldn't care and he'd sleep short. But people were still there when we showed up two hours late.
At first we thought we'd missed them and we tried Quinn in the big framed backpack carrier. He loved it! He bounced along and giggled away merrily and didn't even puke down my neck even once! Then we found the party and he was enjoying looking around at everybody and everything. He was especially taken with balloons, which he saw for the very first time. He batted at them and grabbed onto them and watched them move in the breeze. Then the party broke up and we went for another walk in the backpack. Britannia Beach is a windsurfing mecca on the Ottawa River and there were lots of windsurfers and kite sailors. There were people flying kites. There were people walking tightropes. There were lots of people who were quite taken with our giggling, laughing son who was clearly enjoying the best ride of his life.
Of course after all that he just didn't want to nap. He was exhausted when we got home. We rushed him through dinner, bathtime and nighttime routine and got him to bed. He fell asleep in about twelve seconds. I think this was the best day so far of his young life. *This* is the kind of day they show in the glossy brochures.
Quinn has gone to sleep the last three evenings without any crying whatsoever. Tonight I put him in bed and put my hand on him to comfort him (part of the New Sleep Plan) and he pushed it away as if to say "I got it daddy, I can go to sleep on my own now". It usually takes him 20 minutes to settle (15 tonight!) but he does it all on his own now. I still hang out with him for awhile as per the plan but it really feels unnecessary now and I think I'll try phasing that out.
There will undoubtedly be setbacks for teething and illness, and there may even be periodic regressions for no explainable reason, but we've seemingly turned a significant corner. I honestly wondered whether we'd ever see this day. He's always been better at night sleeping than napping, but he always cried some on the way down until these recent days. I thought that was just the way it would always be.
Napping has been a disaster, but we've changed tack and it's going better. Most books say that naps of less than 45 minutes aren't restorative and you should train them to nap longer. Sounds nice in theory. Quinn appears to be what one book describes as a 'touchy' daytime sleeper, hard to get down and hard to keep down. He would scream at Bec on the way down for an hour or more. Then he'd sleep for half an hour. Then he'd scream at her for another hour as she tried to extend the naps. Then she'd phone me at work, a basket case. We finally abandoned it as infeasible. He sleeps quite well at night so maybe he doesn't need as much napping. We'll assume he'll take what sleep he needs through the day until proven otherwise by late-day crabbiness, which hasn't been a factor yet. Changing tactics and expectations has improved everyone's demeanor, creating an upward spiral where before we were clearly in a downward spiral.
Abandoning cry-it-out was key for us, and I think it incurred a couple weeks' penalty to recover from the error. Paying less strict attention to the books and adjusting expectations was also key. Some family help and support through last week from Bec's family was absolutely crucial in changing the downward spiral to the upward variety. I'm sure there will be more sleep challenges to come but it feels like we've finally achieved some first fundamental level of sleep success.
I've been exhausted. I went to bed early tonight. I woke up at 3am and it's 5am now and I'm still not sleepy.
Maybe I should cry for an hour and exhaust myself to sleep. Maybe I should sit in a chair by the door and move it in small increments towards the bed before finally getting into it and slumbering off to sleep. Maybe I should get in bed, get out for a few seconds, get back in repeatedly until I fall asleep.
My favourite option would be to have three long naps tomorrow (um, *today* I guess) but that probably wouldn't go over well.
It went ok for a few days and then it got bumpy again. All in all it's going well but he still really resists sleep. Bec had him going down for two long naps then a short nap and all was well. Yesterday he did two short ones then a long one, which stressed Bec out - not enough nap time means a crabby overtired Quinn. Today he woke up early (6am) but was still really tired, napped shortly thereafter for medium length for his first nap, and then really resisted going down the second time. Every day is another struggle with sleep.
Kids just don't know how to go to sleep when they're born. They don't show that part in the glossy brochures. It caught us by surprise and has dominated our life with Quinn for, well, just about 3 solid months now. Apparently some kids naturally take to sleeping. I don't have much to compare to, but I suspect Quinn is a worse-than-average sleeper.
I put him to bed using PU/PD last night for the first time. It actually went pretty well. He was asleep in 45 minutes but only about 15 minutes of that was crying, and even that wasn't strident. That was wayyyy better than I expected. It actually felt pretty good - like I was actually teaching him how to go to sleep. That's not to say it's going to be easy, but making an effort to try to teach him something is a philosophy that is much more liveable for all of us. At least that's the current theory. It's a continuous evolution.
Thirty years ago it was easier in one way, in that there really only was One Way and that was crying it out. Listening to crying would have been hard but since there only was One Way there was never any doubt about the approach and the only thing to do was Get Through It. It was like ripping off a band-aid. And millions of people turned out just fine this way, for the most part.
Today, like a communist-era Russian in a western supermarket for the first time, we're faced with a dizzying array of choices. Some are different ways to rip the band-aid off; some seek to avoid the wound requiring the band-aid in the first place (and make you feel guilty about incurring the wound requiring the band-aid in the first place); some are a mix. All tout scientific support; most of them conflict with one another; all trash-talk one another; and all of them are criticized by anyone from the One Way era.
But we want to do what's best for Quinn and our family as a whole - faced with choices that could possibly improve the quality of life of child and parents, what parent would not at least consider the choices? But what is valid and what is snake-oil? What will work for Quinn and what won't? What will work for us and what won't? We're left to try to find something that works for all involved by thinking through the sleep-deprived fog, where the problem definition changes seemingly daily, progress is inconsistent and the feedback is ambiguous. And oh yeah - inconsistency is even worse than pursuing a bad way to the end, so we need to get it right quickly.
It's easy to be overwhelmed by it all. In general in my life I'm trying to Do Something Right Now or Forget About It Until I Can. Right now he's been asleep for 49 minutes and that's not bad.
Bec's using the Baby Whisperer Pick up / Put Down method (PU/PD) , and finally something is having a good effect. The cry it out probably would have worked if we'd stuck to it long enough but it was really hard on everyone. The first couple days of PU/PD were hard but then he responded quite well. Yesterday and today he had two good long naps. Tonight he went to sleep without crying, and largely settled himself with minimal intervention! I never ever thought it would go that well. I'm sure we'll have relapses - the cry it out went ok for a week before problems set in. I imagine we'll particularly have problems when I start to take over settling duties (he always prefers his mom...).
He's in noticably finer spirits through the day for getting more and better sleep. When I got home tonight was particularly special, with him all smiley and giggling. He was especially interactive, and was looking intently at everything around him. It's a noticeable difference when he's getting enough sleep.
Different strokes for different folks - but this particular stroke seems to be one of genius for Quinn-folk.
We've read the Dr Sears Sleep Book. We've read the No Cry Solution. We've read The Mother Of All Sleep Books. We've read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. We paid for and achieved marginal success with what basically was The Chair Method variation of the Partial Extinction method. We've read The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Sleep Problems and we're about to try the Pick up / Put Down Method. If none of that pans out we're going to try the NotThatDaveMatthews Baawk Like A Chicken Sleep Plantm.
It works like this:
Characters in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons are defined as having a set of attributes whose values vary from character to character, and which can be modified by certain equipment. The attributes are Strength, Dexterity, Agility, Wisdom, Intelligence, Charisma. They can range in values from 1 to 18, where 18 is the best. (For those who thought the old board game AD&D games were long dead, they are alive and well in modern role playing video games, where the computer does all the dice rolling and checking, eliminating the tedious pencilwork.)
Here is my description of Quinn in terms of AD&D attributes:
We've just tonight entered the Third Phase of Rubber Ducks. The first, as previously noted, was all about the Big Yellow Duck. Then it was all about the two Little Duckies, chasing them around, picking them up and chewing them, culminating in reclining in his bath hammock chewing languidly on one or both Little Duckies.
Tonight we hit a new phase - whacking the rubber ducks regardless of size, colour or location. Whacking things has been his new Thing Evaluation Method of late. I think he noticed tonight that whacking things in the bathwater produces a different result than whacking things elsewhere, and he was intrigued with the difference. He whacked them all over the tub, he chased them around, and finally he "abduckted" one to keep with him upon exiting the bath. Who knows what the next phase will hold?!
Bec was visiting friends with a son who is two weeks younger than Quinn. They were surprised that we were reading to Quinn already. I hadn't thought about it for awhile, but I do remember reading that they can't fathom the whole book thing until a later age. But I also remember thinking we'd try it anyway just for kicks. He has liked them quite a bit from early on.
He has definitely gone through stages. In the early going he was more fascinated with the lyricalness of the reading, so we read more complex books like Dr Suess that had some rhyme and meter to it. He'd just notice the book sometimes when his eye roved around the room. Then he wanted to eat the books, then whack them. A turning point occurred when someone suggested to us that we didn't necessarily need to read a book from start to finish, or even in order, and that letting them look at pages for extended periods and handling the books was encouraged too. After awhile he'd put his hands on the page as if to stop me from turning it; he'd look at the page for awhile, and then remove his hands as if to tell me it was ok to turn it now.
At first I read mostly the same four books. Sometimes it would only be one, sometimes more, sometimes I varied the order. Three were simpler ones and one was Dr Suess's ABC (which was hard to find!) in a simpler board-book edition. His attention span would vary but it definitely got noticably longer over time. Now he sits up with rapt attention and looks at the pictures, and I describe some things shown on the page. He absolutely loves being read to.
His Aunt Caitlin gave him this great gift for his half birthday - a small story book that is attached to a glove with five finger puppets; the story involves the five finger puppets. Quinn absolutely loves it. He looks back and forth from the book to the puppets, and you can see the mental hamsters running as he puts the 3D and the 2D together in his mind. It's amazing to watch his mind develop, and books have been a great vehicle for that already.
Apparently Quinn pushed himself backward a little today. Mobility can't be far away! He's also started sticking his tongue out, following in a fine Simpson family tradition. He has pretty much mastered sitting up, which makes playtime a lot more fun, especially during Rubber Ducky Time at the end of baths.
Luther (our 18lb black cat) is bravely interacting with Quinn regularly. He's soooo patient. We're feverishly trying to teach Quinn to give him gentle pats, which is a bit anathema to him as toy tabs bear a disturbing resemblance to cat ears. He's doing pretty well though, he just doesn't always pay attention to what he's whacking.
Speaking of whacking, that appears to be his second Thing Evaluation Method, after sticking it in his mouth. Everything goes into his mouth, except solid food, which has been a struggle. He seems to be liking the taste of banana, but applesauce, cereal, beans, sweet potato and everything else has met The Big Rejecto. He doesn't seem to have put together the connection between food going into his mouth and swallowing, and he certainly hasn't connected solid food with hunger going away. But as Bec pointed out, we're establishing patterns and rituals more than anything at this point. It's just the Sleep Plan that's putting pressure on the solids. We've decided the sleep trainer is a (expletive deleted) but we can't argue that we seem to be getting results.
Sleep training is going...ok I guess. Some spectacular success, some minor setbacks. He usually cries on the way down some each night (tonight was very minimal though). He's had a few night wakeups and a few early wakeups, but he makes it through the night more often than not. The crying is hard on everyone when it occurs though, making the setbacks seem to carry more weight in my mind. But all in all it's going quite well I think. I wish there was a better way but I don't honestly believe there is.
My jobs during bathtime:
Quinn is really mastering the computer keyboard now. His first creation:
gbn 4fg c ccsc ccccccccccccccccccccccccccn r ,k9,,1
;?ilk..yio 6
.00
(minus about 7000 spaces...)
That's about as intelligible as my 185 page design document. And more entertaining.
He also managed with a single whack to hit ctrl-alt-del and lock the computer. Amazing. Computer gurus sat up nights dreaming up a sequence that would be difficult to create by accident, and here Quinn got it in about 10 whacks.
Next project: Quinn and 9,999 friends create Shakespeare.
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