Sleep Training, Night 4

He cried for 24 minutes tonight and was asleep shortly thereafter. Right thing and converging series notwithstanding, this is still hard. In some some people's lives it is normal to be yelled at for half an hour every day. It is not in mine. Combined with a difficult handoff and a hard deadline of the end of this week for my job transition at work, I am a basket case. In getting Quinn to nap long enough during the day to promote night sleeping, Bec has to wear Quinn during all naps. That, and the timing and length of the naps, means she isn't able to get much exercise or go to all her mommy group activities that have provided her with such a valuable support network. Combined with 15 months of accumulated exhaustion, she is struggling too. And I feel powerless to help.

And this is just one kid. How do people do it with two? Or more, jeepers, I can't even imagine it.

He slept til 7am again this morning though. If we can all just make to next week maybe it'll all be ok...

It's about the Big Yellow Duck

Quinn loves bath time. His parents sing to him, he splish-splashes in the water, and best of all, he has his yellow rubber ducky. There are two ducklings that go with it, but they have never even entered into his consciousness. After he's all clean we sit him up so he can play with his ducky, which he is content to do for quite a long while. He chews on its head, he bats it around the tub, he watches its lights flash (it's a high tech ducky...). It's all about the Big Yellow Rubber Duck.

Sleep Training, Night 3

He slept all night last night, including sleeping in til 7am! Tonight he cried for almost half an hour again. There was a lot more Mad this time, but also more lulls near the end. I hope the crying will go to zero at some point. Bec said she had the best sleep she's had in 7 months last night. It's going to take more than one night's good sleep to put her back to right, but we're on the right path now, I'm sure of it.

Sleep Training, Night 2

He cried for 30 minutes and was asleep by 45 minutes. From a mathematical point of view, the series is converging. From a human point of view, the crying was louder, madder, sadder, had less lulls and started immediately.

It's almost like he goes through the Kubler-Ross stages of grieving. There were definite bouts of anger crying. There were definite episodes of bargaining/pleading crying. There was definite sad crying. Perhaps the lulls signify denial. But finally there was acceptance, with a big sigh followed by him drifting off to sleep.

I suppose something is being lost, that being the closeness he had with his mother all night long. However that was no longer sustainable for Bec, and Quinn sleeps better with less night interruptions too. This is a necessary transition. On the one hand I think of breaking a mustang (of the hooved variety); on the other I think if you never house train a dog it just craps on the floor its whole life. So long as the mathematical series continues to converge, we'll all be better off.

Independence Day

Night one of Sleep Training went far, far better than we ever could have imagined. It took 50 minutes for him to go to sleep, but he didn't cry for all of that - it was probably about 35 minutes. Bec woke him up to change him and feed him at just before 11 pm. He went back to sleep without a single peep, and then he slept until 630 am! Barely a peep out of him through the whole rest of the night! Amazing!

Of course Bec & I slept on pins and needles. There was one interlude at 530am where Quinn started to stir. I checked the video monitor and he was trying to roll himself over from his stomach to his back. This is a skill he has only recently learned and he hasn't mastered it enough to usually be able to do it by himself at night. However, our recently purchased Sleep Plan said helping him turn over was verboten, so Bec & I were glued to the 2" video monitor screen quietly cheering Quinn on as he struggled to roll over. He eventually made it. Then he went back to sleep. We were so proud.

I think we happened to choose the perfect time for sleep training, quite by accident. He has established a strong bond with us - there was a change around the time we went to NS where his crying became less desperate when he needed something. It's like it transitioned to a signal from an expression of fear. I think he now knows we are there for him when it matters. He has developed the physical skills to hold his head up and roll over both ways. He has developed a large enough stomach capacity to make it through the night. We have been observing a consistent bedtime routine for a month, and he has been sleeping reliably on his own for several hours in the evenings for most of that time. However, the bedtime routine hadn't gone on so long that it was completely entrenched. It was the Right Time, and I'm glad we didn't do it sooner.

I am desperately stuggling to not have high expectations for the coming nights. While one night went far better than we imagined in our wildest dreams, it doesn't constitute complete success. I'll put my emotional helmet on again tonight and we'll see how it goes.

Playing "Block"

Quinn's got pretty good mastery of sitting up now. He tips over some but all in all he's got it pretty much nailed. One evening this week I was sitting on the floor with him while he played with a soft block about 4" cubed. It got away from him some and I flicked it back toward him. He giggled! A game was born... I kept flicking the block back at him and he kept giggling, breaking into a full belly laugh when the block got him in the nose.

I think we'll get a lot of miles out of playing "Block" in various incarnations over the years to come.

"Get well" felt in heart

Arnie update: he's making a wondrous recovery from his minor heart attack. It's amazing what they can do these days - it's just like a plumbing problem now. He'll be scaling Mount Tamarack again this winter for sure.

Sorry to leave you hanging, audience! All is well.

What it's all about

One day last week my old whiplash injury reared its ugly head while I was at work. I couldn't even drive home. I phoned Bec to come pick me up. She and Quinn arrived and I got in the back seat alongside Quinn. Apparently he was at the end of his rope, and his lip was extended in full quivering pout. But when I in my pain, and Quinn in his throes, caught sight of one another, we both broke into big grins. Somehow our respective problems seemed diminished.

I guess that's what it's all about.

Sleep training, Night 1

It took 50 minutes of crying, but he went to sleep in his own crib, in his own room, without a boob in his mouth, with me at his bedside trying to look disinterested. Hopefully that was the worst of it. It actually hasn't been too bad so far. He got up to maybe a level 8 out of 10 wail, maybe a 9, but only for a few seconds, and it was followed by a lull.

It seems brutal somehow, but he already seems to be adapting. Hopefully the end of something means the beginning of something else - I think sleeping on his own will be better for everyone. Quinn will sleep better. Rebecca will sleep better.

I'm glad to be contributing to this enterprise too. Bless her soul for doing almost all the work, but I think Bec was about to impale herself on her sword on the path we were on.

The artist formerly known as Poopsie

Apparently the Poopsie moniker is not currently accurate. It's been a few days now, and even that one was the culmination of a few days' accumulation. We're not certain there's cause for medical concern, but we *are* certain there's cause for diaper changing concern. There's no way one diaper will contain three days' worth...plus his first solids. Wish us luck at swimming tomorrow. Maybe I'll let Bec go in the water with him :)

He continues to scowl at solids and keep coming back for more. So long as there's still room in there, we'll continue offering them to him.

Speaking of that, gotta go get some solids of my own. Haircut tonight, got home late. Missed bathtime - might have to get my haircuts and other errands done sometime other than on the way home from work.

Solid!

Quinn had his first solid food today. Some cereal of some sort. Apparently he screwed up his face and scowled and then came back for more. Sounds just like when I started drinking beer, coffee and scotch (not all at the same time of course...). Let the stinky diapers begin.

Bec and Quinn came to meet me at work for lunch today. We spread a blanket on the lawn under a tree and had a little picnic. It was brief due to an impending nap (or alleged nap...I think Bec struggled to get him to sleep it turned out) but it was thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless. A welcome break from boring old documentation writing.

I've started getting up earlier to take Quinn for awhile in the morning. Those who know me know that's a lot of love :) Me and mornings just don't get along. It's good to get some Quinn-time early though - I'm finding seeing him for 20 minutes in the morning and and hour at night difficult. It's hard on Bec too, especially since it's work to get him to sleep and keep him asleep every time. I'm trying to work it so that I get home early to spend some time with him before he goes to bed, and then (theoretically) work after. So far the working at home part hasn't panned out, but it's not been desperately necessary yet either.

We invested in a sleep plan from an "expert". It looks pretty much like I thought a sleep plan would look. We'll see how it goes. I think we're going to start not this coming weekend, but the following one, to give him some time to adjust to solid food first. And time to steel ourselves for the wailing in advance. Lord knows, he'll have much more strength to wail with those solids in him.

A belly sleeper like me

Quinn recently learned to roll onto his belly. Now he loves to sleep on his belly, much to our chagrin (due to the SIDS risk). Even worse, he can't roll back onto his back, so when he wakes up and wants onto his back, he cries until he's rolled back over.

In spite of the vagaries, I have to say I am a little proud he's a belly sleeper. I'm a belly sleeper too, and it somehow makes me a little proud that he is something that I am too. He is just beginning to show some traits, and one of them we have in common. It could be a coincidence - he couldn't learn that from watching me I don't think, and could belly sleeping really be hereditary? But I like to think it's more than coincidence.

Quinn also likes to curl his toes like his mom. I never even knew Rebecca did that until I remarked on how Quinn was doing it one day. May he inherit the best traits from each of us, and come up with a few of his own too.

How much to help?

Quinn loves his Exersaucer now. He really plays with the toys on it now. He can really recognize and remember things now - he remembers his exersaucer, his blocks, his plastic giraffe. He even recognizes the books I read to him each night - he always smiles when I bring out "What's wrong little Pookie", his current favourite.

When he was in his exersaucer this morning, the microphone toy got pointed away from him. He was struggling to get it back within range so I moved it back towards him several times. This evening he was in it again and Bec pointed the microphone back towards him a couple of times. Then when we were eating in the kitchen while keeping an eye on him in he exersaucer in the living room, we saw him turn the microphone back around all on his own.

Now, it's a bit unusual for him to be that much on his own to play, but here he was learning to do something independently. It brings to my mind a question: how much to help one's kid out, and how much to let them figure it out on their own. I guess that will be a lifelong question and I won't always get it right, but I hope I/we achieve the right balance.

An impromptu bath

If yesterday was The Mother Of All Poops after 3 days' constipation, then today was the Aunt. It took an unfortunate half minute to notice, and thus we need to wash:

• the Exersaucer
• the Playmat
• Quinn's clothes
• Rebecca's clothes
• Rebecca
• Quinn

At least we can take solace in the fact that things are moving again...

Balance

In spending any amount of time with Quinn, in thinking about what to do next with him, I think about what he has already done that day or what might be coming up, and try to choose something to do that will balance his day. For example, if he has not had much touch time I'll pick him up and walk around with him; or if we're going to a family get-together where he'll be held a lot, I'll give him some self-time on the floor. If he's been laying down a lot I'll sit him up in a kid-chair for self-time. If he looks bored sometimes I'll get him a toy, but sometimes self-time without a toy encourages him to explore his fingers or experiment with his voice. Sometime I talk to him, sometimes I echo his utterings, and sometimes I'm just quiet and listen to him. Sometimes I actively adore him and sometimes I just go about what needs doing with him watching - passively adoring him. The list of examples could go on and on.

Mothers seem to do all this very intuitively and instinctively. Sometimes I have no idea what to do with him next, but sometimes I feel some of the same instincts. The more time I spend with him the better I get at it. This was one of the single largest benefits of my month off.

Interestingly, I don't always make these balancing choices for myself, and as a result I suspect many of my days end up out of balance. I also suspect that over time, intuition guides me to do things that create the required balance. It would be probably be an improvement though, if I could actively and consciously balance my days better.

Spoilage?

Yesterday at swimming, one of the things the instructor was suggesting was to put a floating toy in the water and have baby grab it; then once that pattern is established, put the toy under water farther and farther until they accidentally put their face in the water without realizing it. A clever ruse. The problem is, Quinn doesn't reach for the toy - he just opens his mouth and steers his mouth towards the desired object and some nearby adoring adult sticks the desired object into it. No dummy, this kid. Methinks we need to rethink our approach to prevent spoilage though.

Another trick I've heard is blowing in their face to make them close their mouth before dunking them under water (this is for a more advanced stage than we're at with Quinn now...). That will be problematic too since he loves having his face blown on, and opens his mouth and laughs with glee. I can see we're going to have to be on our toes with this kid as the standard tricks won't always work.

A sleep-in for mom

Bec's been exhausted lately, so this morning I was able to afford her the luxury of sleeping in, and I got up with Quinn. He was a little dopey this morning - must be from all the stimulation yesterday. He has just fallen asleep again now, in the swing. It's a bit of a strange sensation to be the only one awake in the house in the morning. It happens every evening but somehow it feels so much different in the morning. In the evening, that time is my play time. In the morning though, I feel like I am doing something for the benefit of my wife and child.

Nighttime is my territory; morning isn't. In my morning stupor I forgot to change his diaper first thing. I was suitably reminded by a leak stain on my shorts. Oh well... It will be interesting to see whether Quinn is a nightowl like me or a morning person like Bec. Early indications seem to be the former.

Quinn, happy guy

We took Quinn swimming for the second time today. He smiled a little more, but really he's having a hard time noticing anything but the ceiling fans. It's really quite remarkable the predilection he has for them. We went straight from swimming to see Bec's mom, and then on to the Carleton Place hospital to visit Bec's dad. It's official - he's had a minor heart attack. He looked and sounded great today though, like his old self. He's off to the Ottawa Heart Institute on Monday and hopefully things will be rectified in short order.

We didn't take Quinn in to the hospital, much as Quinn and Grampa wanted to see one another. Bec & I traded off visiting and hanging out outside with Quinn, and when we visited a second time I hung out on the front lawn with Quinn while Bec went in. Quinn just LOVED sitting on the grass, standing on the grass, running his hands through it. He's improving at sitting up but still tends to tip over some. He's also improving at bearing weight on his chubby little legs.

Quinn had a lot of smiles and laughs today. He really seems to have a happy disposition, which I am quite glad to see. He went to sleep pretty easily tonight, and didn't require any interventions throughout the evening for the second night in a row and fourth out of five. Almost six months old! Hard to believe...

A heartfelt "Get Well"

Quinn's Grampa Simpson is in hospital with heart troubles - get well Grampa! Things appear to be well in hand, and hopefully things proceed speedily to a healthy conclusion. Apparently he got to use his Crackberry some today so that should head off any withdrawal heart issues...

The prospect of a hospital visit has me softening my stance on vaccinations for Quinn. Quinn's 6 month birthday is coming up and we were more than likely going to start them anyway, but this issue pretty much cinched it. After researching it some, it appears mercury isn't used in vaccines any more, so that's not an issue. The autism rate appears to be growing astronomically whether people have vaccines or not, so that appears to be unrelated (although it's difficult to get hard facts on this issue...). Overwhelming their little immune system can be eased by spreading out the vaccines some rather than having them all at once (some writeups would have you believe the impact isn't much anyway). I worry that getting one's immune system permanently turned on leads to future problems like allergies or autoimmune diseases but there is no direct evidence of such that I know of. So we'll get him vaccinated. All we can do is make the best decision we can with the information we have at the time. And try to put out of our minds what the source of the information is or might be...

I managed to survive my first three days back to work. I was even productive. When I got home each day though, I was VERY excited to see Quinn, and the enthusiasm rubbed off on him I think - he laughed and giggled as we played when I got home. He's figured out how to roll over again (back to front) and he loves to do that. He's finding his voice too. I'm afraid he's not going to be softspoken.... Yesterday it sounded a little like the last rasps of a sword-stricken soldier; today at least it began to sound less grating.

A fantastic month

All good things must come to an end. My paternity leave comes to a close, and I return to work tomorrow. It has been a fantastic month.

We drove to NS and back, spending two weeks there. My fears of how Quinn would handle the drive were happily for naught, as he proved to be an able adventurer, with the proper handling. The more leisurely pace was easier on everybody. We had some great quality visiting time with my family there. For Quinn, the stimulation of having all the family around, especially his nana and grampy every day, lead to a Great Leap Forward in development it seemed. The bonding with his grandparents really made my heart glad, as I remember my grandparents fondly and I'm sensitive to the fact that my parents had me relatively late in life and we had Quinn relatively late in my life.

When we got back, we elected to stay home instead of going camping, but I think it was valuable in establishing a daily routine. Each day contained some chores, some errands, some fun, some adventuring. I started the break with a list of goals as well as a ToDo list, but I was determined to keep the focus on being with Rebecca & Quinn and not on doing things around the house. As it worked out, I got almost everything done on my list anyway.

I've heard the first three months of a baby's life referred to as "the fourth trimester" and I now know exactly what they meant. Quinn spent all his first three months just growing. That's it, that's all, just growing. He shot up to 28" in length and 20lbs during that time. In the time since then his physical growth leveled off and he has started really developing dexterity and intelligence. From that standpoint, the time I chose to take off was perfect. I got to see him roll over for the first time and I got to see the pride in his eyes when he could do it repeatedly. I got to see him learn to recognize books and songs and rhymes. I got to see him stand (supported) for the first time and want to do it over and over again. I got to see him swim for the first time.

He has made great strides in terms of sleep, even if it's still a work in progress. He can sleep on his own now for several hours in the evening, freeing us, and especially Rebecca, to resume some normal life at a normal pace. The transition into the crib is still in the opening skirmishes but I'm optimistic. We have established a bedtime routine that seems effective and enjoyable for all. He is doing well at learning how to sleep.

Best of all, I got to become a fixture in his everyday life. I got to know the daily routine that he goes through, so that when I return to work and only see him first thing in the morning and a little bit at the end of the day, everything will now be in a bigger context for me. I got to take part in the establishment of those routines and got to see us turn a corner where it finally became apparent that this really wouldn't be 125% work for the rest of our lives.

It all seemed so well balanced which seems so difficult to maintain with work in the equation. I'm really hoping to maintain the same balance and attitude, but with 8 hours of work per day added. It won't be that easy, especially with starting a new position at work. However, it has been a valuable and productive time off, and one of the best months of my life. I will remember it fondly for the rest of my days.

A hearty Canada Day to all!

It was a gloriously sunny day, warm but not too warm, and not humid as it often has been recently. A perfect day. We decided to embark on a Canada Day excursion downtown today. We drove to Quinn's Aunt Caitlin's place and we walked downtown from there, hoping it would coincide with his nap, which it did, although short.

We arrived at the War Memorial and I took Quinn out of the stroller to look around. He has always loved big crowds and this day was no exception. I was surprised at how many people were out on Wellington Street that early - I'd take a guess at 30,000 when we arrived and probably 50,000 when we left. We went onto Parliament Hill and hung out on the front lawn. The changing of the guard was going on, followed by the RCMP Musical Ride which was amazing. Then we went to Major's Hill Park and found a shady spot to sit and rest - Quinn loves crowds but it's still important to get some Reset Time, a lesson it took his old man decades to learn :).

We had some snacks, lemonade and rest in the shade. We saw Prime Minister Steve's dark, ominous and fast motorcade steam by. We saw the magnificent RCMP Musical Ride horses walk down the street, followed by Governor General Mickey Jean in an open car. Quinn was getting tired again and lost it briefly during the 21 artillery shots. Bec rescued that one by holding him. When the F-18's went overhead at full throttle he lost it altogether - it was quite loud. You can't fault him really though - those are probably some of the loudest things mankind has to offer. The Snowbirds also went over in tight formation, fanning out radially as they passed over the Peace Tower - I've seen that from the 'Hill front lawn before and it looks like they all radiate out from the Peace Tower. Very cool.

After that spectacular display we set out for home. Quinn wouldn't settle in the stroller so Bec has to wear him in the Sling. It was a warm day for that, but he went to sleep immediately and had a 40 minute nap while we walked back to Caitlin's. We went to an Elgin Street restaurant for what turned out to be a reaalllllllly realllllly slow meal, but Quinn survived the 2 hours there like a superstar, if you disregard the absolutely massive blowout poop he had while I was holding him... Fortunately there were no suitable change surfaces in the men's washroom. Whew!

The car A/C was extremely welcome. We got home and had an Epic Nap, with Quinn sleeping for an hour and a half! Bec had to wake him up in order to have any chance of preserving a normal bedtime. After that he was in the best spirits and had the best playtime ever. He was playing and laughing and giggling. He rolled over several times on his own and looked Very Pleased with himself. Then bath and stories, and Bec's putting him to bed as we speak.

It seems he responds to massive stimulation with learning bursts. He did that during all the family stimulation while we were in NS. Bec was lamenting that she wouldn't be able to find 30,000 people to entertain him tomorrow, but I assured her that every day doesn't need to be a Big Learning day in order to be valuable; and that the things he learns from the loving attention of his mother on a daily basis are just as valuable if not more.

It was a great day of Adventuring! We had a happy Canada Day - I hope you all did too.